Write-up of Columbus, OH Death
Café #6: January 9, 2013
By Lizzy Miles
The Death Café
events never cease to amaze me in the variety of attendees, which leads to
unique conversations each time.
This Death Café had some repeat attendees and some new ones. Mix in an attendee with a Master’s in
Transpersonal Psychology and an attendee who is a funeral home director and
you’re going to have an interesting dialogue.
Words that were
used to describe this event include: open,
participating, enlightening, refreshing and therapeutic.
Just recently, TLC
aired the first episode of the Best
Funeral Ever. This show has
caused quite a stir in the media where journalists have used the phrases,
“that’s disgusting” and “trivializes death.” Death is supposed to be private, they say. Attendees at the Death Café do not
necessarily agree with that sentiment.
Those of us in attendance realize that we are a minority. We acknowledge our mortality and the
mortality of those around us. As a
facilitator, I usually try not to direct the conversation, but I could not help
but ask about the professional mourners that I had seen on the show. Professional mourners were individuals
who were hired to attend the services and display outward signs of emotion.
“Are those people
for real?”
“Yes,” the funeral
home director told me.
“Could I be one?”
“You might not fit
in,” he said. He went on to
explain that the professional mourners actually do serve a purpose to allow
others to grieve openly. He told
me with the African American culture, there is a strong desire to keep emotions
in check. This rings true to me
because in my hospice work I have heard repeatedly, “I have to be strong for
the others.”
At this Death Café
we talked about how we are a pain avoiding society. People avoid funerals because they are afraid to experience
pain. They don’t realize that the funerals
are healing experiences. Even
planning the funeral can be a healing process because it allows families to
really think about how they want to honor their loved one.
We talked about how
the television show calls the funerals “Celebration of life.” Then someone
brought up that not every death is a celebration of life. Especially not if it was a tragic
accident. Or murder. Or a mass shooting of school children.
The room got quiet
when someone brought up Sandyhook.
We sat still with the pain.
Someone pondered if
these mass shooting events made people think more about death. We concluded that one cannot help but
think about it in the moment but people try to forget about death as soon as
they can. The mass shootings seem
to make us more avoidant. It is so
painful that we want to run away, change the channel. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
This led us to
discuss how we talk about death with our children and how we, as children, were
first exposed to death.
The conversation
was not entirely serious though.
We talked about the cathartic experience of going through a loved one’s
possessions. That it is good to
get your affairs in order to a point, but the process of sorting through
belongings sometimes forces families to come together and grieve together. Surprisingly, that even sorting through
“stuff” can help heal.
We talked about so
much more than what could be summarized here, but you’ll just have to come to a
Death Café for yourself to see what it is like. The next Columbus Death Café is February 6th. No RSVP required. The event will be from 7-9 p.m. at the
Westerville Panera 782 N. State Street.
Please contact Lizzymiles@gmail.com
with questions.
We now have a
Facebook page to advertise our events.
Please “like” us at:
As always, to
follow Death Café events worldwide, please visit www.deathcafe.com
No comments:
Post a Comment
Say your piece.